


from the a side to the b side (hell, even the c side), i love you

by cactusboob



Category: High School Musical (Movies)
Genre: Closeted Character, Gay, Interracial Relationship, Love, M/M, Male Character of Color, Pining, Queer Character of Color, breaking up & and making up, jason knows whats up, kind of mutual pining, might make full on playlist so, ms danforth is amazing, rec me some chyan songs, soft angst, teenage romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25646548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactusboob/pseuds/cactusboob
Summary: there is pining and there is secret relationships and there is break up and there is love and there is make ups and MOST IMPORTANTLY there is coming out
Relationships: Chad Danforth/Ryan Evans
Comments: 18
Kudos: 203





	from the a side to the b side (hell, even the c side), i love you

##  [ Wish You Were Sober ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=wish+you+were+sober&view=detail&mid=27C7E55B637C4532EBD027C7E55B637C4532EBD0&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dwish%2byou%2bwere%2bsober%26cvid%3d62d79e8121c44395ac0cd3043bc4aff8%26pglt%3d387%26FORM%3dANNTA1%26PC%3dACTS)

The first time Ryan and Chad interact in more than a polite ‘hello’ or ‘can I borrow a pencil?’, Chad is drunk, Chad is so, so drunk and Ryan is a terrible person and he should be thrown in jail for taking advantage of poor, innocent, really hot basketball players with ridiculously beautiful smiles, and, now that Ryan thinks about it, he’d definitely had a few drinks. Maybe a couple more than a few. And Ryan’s so caught up in his plight to remember how many drinks he’s had, he doesn’t realise Chad is kissing him (or that Ryan himself is kissing back) until someone moans and someone shifts and-

That’s really as far as it got because, drunk or no, Ryan has decency and pride, okay? And that decency and pride will _not_ allow him to drunkenly make out with a straight jock meathead, who hasn't said more than five words to him in an actual decade, no matter how hot said straight jock meathead is.

Ryan pulls back from the kiss and says,” Maybe when we’re sober, yeah,” even though he knows that Chad wouldn’t make out with him sober for two billion dollars- and vice versa for Ryan, really. You’d have to pay a gazillion buck to make him kiss Chad. Chad is, is, annoying, and loud, and actually pretty funny, and pretty, and, and, _he hates musicals_ and anything that has to do with them so. Yeah, a gazillion bucks.

##  [ White Teeth Teens ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=white+teeth+teens+&view=detail&mid=470AAFB42C1E5DB0134F470AAFB42C1E5DB0134F&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dwhite%2520teeth%2520teens%2520%26qs%3dn%26form%3dQBRE%26sp%3d-1%26pq%3dwhite%2520teeth%2520teens%2520%26sc%3d8-18%26sk%3d%26cvid%3dDCBB0D4375A746909EF478C8F863D3FB%26sid%3d3F55675D537069D0323D6844528C683F%26format%3dsnrjson%26jsoncbid%3d0)

Chad is in the position of main character's best friend, he is there, sure but, he’s not _important_ , if he up and disappeared or missed a party or a day of school, no one notices. But, if Troy, if Troy misses a second of the conversation, it’s all,” Oh, Troy? Are you alright, have you gotten any sleep? Do you need anyone to talk to?” 

No one ever wants to talk to Chad, no one ever cares hows he’s feeling. He’s so sick and tired of this popular shit. When he was younger, he was so sure all of that would just- fizzle out and be nonexistent by the time he got to high school. Apparently the fuck not. 

He thinks the whole thing is so stupid- you’ve got to be perfect, topnotch and, _yet_ \- you _also_ have to be average. You can’t be to smart or (you’re a nerd, a dork), you can’t be too hot or (you’re a slut, a manwhore), you can’t be too nice or (you’re an asskisser, a wannabe), and it drives him crazy. Is he even anything, really? He _is_ the main character’s best friend, down to the very last detail.

##  [ R U Mine? ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=r+u+mine&view=detail&mid=EE00E6966B13DDBFAFF6EE00E6966B13DDBFAFF6&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dr%2bu%2bmine%26cvid%3d03e3138cbe22404a8ce8af67c46b8aa9%26FORM%3dANAB01%26PC%3dACTS)

Everything is _unclear_ and _undiscussed_ between them and Ryan, he likes everything to be nice and neat and sure and _organised_ . And, Christ, he and Chad are _nothing_ like that. Chad kisses him and whispers dirty things in his ear and then he wraps his arm around her waist and nips at her neck until she giggles and he just. Doesn’t know. Doesn’t know where they stand, what to do, _how_ to actually do it-

And, and really, all he wants to know is if Chad is his.

##  [ Crush ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=crush&view=detail&mid=AFC991026903BCAFE2BAAFC991026903BCAFE2BA&FORM=VIRE)

“Danforth! Where is your head, ‘cause it’s definitely not in the game!” Coach Bolton asks him. He takes three deep breaths before responding. “I don’t know, sir! Sorry, sir!” He does know, and he’s not sorry, not really. He was thinking about Ryan again, thinking about what it would be like to touch him, to feel him grow hard under Chad’s hand, and to- christ, he’s gotta stop thinking about that. He can’t even pay attention to the world around him. God, this is all too much.

##  [I Don’t Dance (or, this video is 4 mins and 20 secs long)](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=i+don%27t+dance+high+school+musical&view=detail&mid=2A2F0F2C303AA0A1D8ED2A2F0F2C303AA0A1D8ED&FORM=VIRE)

And this, this is the moment Chad realises. He realises that Ryan is hot, and capable and smart and very persuasive. Chad knows it was pretty obvious what they were referring to. LIke, come on. “That’s how you swing?” Right. But, Chad tries not to worry about it because everyone is too wrapped in their own thing or that whole Troy/Gabriella/Sharpay thing.

And then, right after the basketball game Jason, of all people, comes up to him and says, “So when are you gonna come out? Are you and Evans dating?” and Chad thinks, ‘what’ and ‘huh’ and ‘oh shit’. And this, this is the moment Chad realises he is _fucked._ He still trades handjobs with Ryan in the locker room, in the stall farthest from the door.

##  [ Dancing’s Not a Crime ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=dancings+not+a+crime&view=detail&mid=F6024A0D488F49DFAFDDF6024A0D488F49DFAFDD&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3ddancings%2bnot%2ba%2bcrime%26qs%3dAS%26pq%3ddancings%2bn%26sc%3d8-10%26cvid%3d058D2A7269064DCCB4D8B292F56C650D%26FORM%3dQBRE%26sp%3d1%26sid%3d3F55675D537069D0323D6844528C683F%26format%3dsnrjson%26jsoncbid%3d1)

Now, obviously, Ryan has nothing against dancing. Or, rather, he didn’t, because the way Chad moves? That should be illegal. “Illegal in seven different countries, Kels,” Ryan stresses, trying really, really hard not to watch Chad. He fails. Spectacularly. “Mhm. Should give him twenty five to life anything,” Kelsi says, like she doesn’t really care but, aslo like Ryan should maybe get his shit together and ask Chad out, or get over him. Whichever comes first.

To be completely honest, Ryan’ll probably all alone because he can’t stop pining away uselessly for someone who’ll never want him (Ryan very carefully does not think of the locker room because that is fodder for hope and hope is not good). He’d been accepting this as fact since the first day of rehearsals started. When Chad first tried a pirouette, he fell flat on his ass and it’d been the most adorable and hilarious thing Ryan had ever seen.

And, then. Chad, like. Learns how to dance. And, all of a sudden, he is precise and graceful and, honestly, Ryan can only handle so much, _God._

##  [ I’m So Tired ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=im+so+tired&view=detail&mid=787407AD7B5A8F27C378787407AD7B5A8F27C378&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dim%2bso%2btired%26cvid%3da6de22a685f14d3dace151e3d29217ce%26FORM%3dANAB01%26PC%3dACTS)

Ryan gets fed up with this whole thing somewhere between the twenty third and hundredth time that he has to stop and remind himself that he can’t do _anything_ . He can’t kiss Chad, he can’t hold hands with Chad, he can’t hug Chad, and _fuck_ , honestly, he couldn’t even look at him sometimes because, Jesus, he knew that whatever, whatever he felt for Chad was splayed out all over his face and. He doesn’t want to risk it.

He knows that Chad is closeted and that’s, like, fine. He’s waiting for the right time. It’s just. Ryan wants to scream from the rooftops that he’s got a boyfriend that is the bestest boyfriend in the whole entire history of bestest boyfriends and his name is Chad. And, like, he can’t and he knows he’s being selfish but, he dumps Chad sometime in March.

He’s fine for the first couple of weeks. But then, Kelsi gets a girlfriend, and Sharpay gets a girlfriend, and _everything_ reminds him of Chad and, and he just feels so disconnected from everything. And, yeah. It fucking sucks.

  
  


##  [ Flaming Hot Cheetos ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=flaming+hot+cheetos&view=detail&mid=A0A57F59463866B83A59A0A57F59463866B83A59&FORM=VIRE)

Chad sleeps a lot after the break up. Because, when he’s asleep, he doesn’t have to feel that big, gaping, ugly whole in his chest. God, he feels like a girl. And stupid. Very, very stupid. He just lost the most important person to him because he’s too scared to say,” Hey, mom. I’m gay.” The one person who saw _him_ as the main character. Chad doesn’t start crying until he’s going through his gallery and he sees two photos.

The first one is of Chad himself so Ryan had to have taken it. Chad’s hair is down and he’s looking at the camera, at Ryan, like, like he loves him. And, that. That messes him up. He manages to hold it together until the second one.

It’s shot Myspace style and Ryan is kissing him on the cheek and God, he remembers that day. It was a pretty good day. They had gone shopping because Ryan wanted new hats and Chad wanted some novelty scrunchies (and, yeah, okay. They did have to drive all the way to the mall a town over, so they wouldn’t be recognised but, Ryan didn’t seem _too_ bothered.) and they held hands and were just generaly super coupley and Chad got to find out what it was like to shop with an Evans (it’s mad entertaining) and the whole time Chad had had this amazing feeling, like he was floating, and- he doesn’t realise he’s crying until a big, fat tear drops on his phone screen.

Fuck. He doesn’t even remember the last time he actually like, cried. With sobs wracking his body, and his nose just full of snot, and his head hurting and- “Are you okay, sweetie? It sounds like you’re crying.” His mom asks through the door. He tries really, really hard to manage out an, “I’m okay, Mom.” But, instead, this loud and pathetic sob that’s really just embarrassing and his mom rushes into his room and swoops down on his bed by him and pulls him into a comforting hug.

She doesn’t ask what’s wrong, just holds him close and lets him cry.

##  [ I Wanna Be Yours ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=i+wanna+be+yours&cvid=597079409c01434dbef03538e6dd196f&pglt=387&PC=ACTS&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3di%2bwanna%2bbe%2byours%26cvid%3d597079409c01434dbef03538e6dd196f%26pglt%3d387%26FORM%3dANNTA1%26PC%3dACTS&view=detail&mmscn=vwrc&mid=E963BE39195CC4218AB3E963BE39195CC4218AB3&FORM=WRVORC)

“Can you just- stop speaking, please?” And, really, this isn’t what Ryan wanted- no at all. He agreed to this little meet up to clear the air, not to feel like he was seconds away from lurching across the fucking table and strangling Chad who, across the table, looks momentarily hurt before he nods and stop talking.

  
  


Ryan takes a deep breath and says,” Ok, look. I get it. I was an experiment, and that’s fine. Well, okay, no it isn’t but, I can accept that and that I took to seriously, what with the whole wondering ‘is he mind’ and thinking about the future and that’s-”  
And Chad interrupts him and says,” I guess you _don’t_ know that I wanna be yours…” And, God, as cliché as it sounds, it kind of makes Ryan wanna cry.

“Yeah?” He asks, because he's got to be sure.

“Yeah.” Chad answers.

But, now, does that really make things _better_ ? No because, he still can’t- “And, I’m, uh. Coming out? Uh, the beginning of next month because it’s, y’know-”   
  
“Pride month, yeah.”   
  
“Yeah”

##  [ I’m Coming Out ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=im+coming+out&view=detail&mid=76AD58F3FBE59A63B7E176AD58F3FBE59A63B7E1&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dim%2bcoming%2bout%26cvid%3d13a7cbf3d914413f9a8afd57b296b624%26FORM%3dANAB01%26PC%3dACTS)

June first, June first, June first. Chad rocks back on the balls of his feet. He’s got this. “I’ve got this, right.” Chad asks Ryan. “You’ve got this, babe.” _Babe._ “Right, okay.”   
  
Chad walks to where the majority of the basketball team is and takes seven very deep breaths. He’s got this. “Chad, you okay?” Zeke asks, getting up to put his hand on Chad’s forehead. Chad shrugs him. “It’s, uh, nothing, really. Just that I’m, uh. Y’know… Sort of kind of not straight?” 

“...And dating Evans,” Jason asks. Chad nods his head. “Oh, man, I knew it! Pay up, Bolton! C’mon, C’mon!” Jason exclaims, holding his hand out in Troy’s direction. Distantly, Chad can hear Ryan laughing. “You guys made a bet on me!?”

##  [ I’m (still) Coming Out ](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=im+coming+out&view=detail&mid=76AD58F3FBE59A63B7E176AD58F3FBE59A63B7E1&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dim%2bcoming%2bout%26cvid%3d13a7cbf3d914413f9a8afd57b296b624%26FORM%3dANAB01%26PC%3dACTS)

This one, this one he’s doing alone. He’s at the dining table, waiting for his mom to get done washing dishes. “So, what did you need, honey?” She asks and yes, yes, Chad _did_ have a very well planned out, well, _plan_ for this but, instead he blurts out,” I’m not straight and I’m dating Ryan Evans..?”   
  
His mom, confusingly, laughs and says,” Oh, baby, I already knew.” And, of course, because she knows him so well, before he can even ask ‘how?’, she continues,” i stole your phone that day. That day you were crying. Unoriginal password, by the way. Bu, yeah. I was just bombarded with pictures of him, of Ryan, and I just knew.” 

Ignoring the password comment, Chad asks,” And you’re like… okay with that?”  
  
“Of course, Chad, why wouldn’t I be?”   
  
“I… don’t know.” 

His mom leans forward on her elbows,” Now, tell me.. Do you love this boy?” Chad’s face most definitely does not heat like, at all. His smile does get bigger and brighter, though. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.”  
  
  


* * *

_**"What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.”- Tennessee Williams** _


End file.
